Guys, I have no shame. That being said: I joined a dating website last night, okcupid. On an unrelated note, THIS IS WHY I SHOULD NEVER EVER JOIN A DATING WEBSITE. Here’s the message I sent to somebody:
Hey. You sound cool. I just joined this website last night, so I really have no idea what I’m doing lol. The good news is that the robot cupid thing is telling me we have a 90% match, which is very fortunate, considering I often seek advice from robot cupids, and besides being very wise, robot cupids are profoundly gifted at archery. In fact, a robot cupid was supposed to play the role of Hawkeye in the Avengers movie, but it developed an addiction for whiskey instead. It often starting drinking before 11am, and often ended at 1pm, where it would then vomit, sleep, shit, and then wake up at 3pm, staring the whole process over again. When asked why it would throw its career away, the robot cupid looked into the camera, burped, and triumphantly declared that “love was bullshit.”
Anyway, my name is Bryan. Suuuuuuuuup.