Hemingway kicking a beer can. Hup!
Guys, I have no shame. That being said: I joined a dating website last night, okcupid. On an unrelated note, THIS IS WHY I SHOULD NEVER EVER JOIN A DATING WEBSITE. Here’s the message I sent to somebody:
Hey. You sound cool. I just joined this website last night, so I really have no idea what I’m doing lol. The good news is that the robot cupid thing is telling me we have a 90% match, which is very fortunate, considering I often seek advice from robot cupids, and besides being very wise, robot cupids are profoundly gifted at archery. In fact, a robot cupid was supposed to play the role of Hawkeye in the Avengers movie, but it developed an addiction for whiskey instead. It often starting drinking before 11am, and often ended at 1pm, where it would then vomit, sleep, shit, and then wake up at 3pm, staring the whole process over again. When asked why it would throw its career away, the robot cupid looked into the camera, burped, and triumphantly declared that “love was bullshit.”
Anyway, my name is Bryan. Suuuuuuuuup.
"You see this camel? Yeah? You see it? Well, bam! Now it’s a sexy camel. My face works wonders, baby. You got any other animals for me? Maybe a donkey or something? I’ll turn that fucker into Seabiscuit. Trust me."
—Omar Borkan Al Gala
What a brilliant book. No, he doesn’t string words together as well as Cormac McCarthy does, but he’s better at both dialogue and plot progression. I mean, it got the Pulitzer for a reason. The novel is about a thousand pages, but yet—you never feel as if you’re reading a “long” book. The characters are charming, especially Gus. The action is spectacular, especially the chase with Blue Duck. My only gripe with the novel is that the female characters and the native americans aren’t as developed as I’d like them to be. We really aren’t exposed to any strong females until the third act. However, admittedly, he does redeem Lorie’s story arc a bit when she finally strikes out away from the boys. Also, McMurtry too often characterizes the native american characters as violent, terrifying badasses (which, while cool in its own way, only perpetuates stereotypes). But, as a quest narrative, THIS BOOK WILL KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY. LIKE, BY THE END OF THE NOVEL, YOU’LL WANT TO GO TO THE CATTLE STORE AND BUY A SHIT TON OF CATTLE. AND THEN GO ON AN ADVENTURE.
Spending four minutes in the bathroom at a coffee shop is reason enough to alert the baristas that a “homeless person is taking a shower in your bathroom.” Yup, I def just got mistaken for a homeless person. Taking a shower. ROCK ON.